A lot of people don't know this about me (including a lot of people who know me very well), but I am a huge fan of Howard Stern [howardstern.com]. It's not that I really think anything he does is that shocking at all. It's because I think the show is hilarious.
That was definitely the primary motivation for me to buy a Sirius satellite radio. Yesterday was Howard's first official day on satellite, and I am so glad that I bought the radio so that I could hear it.
One of the most incredible bits he did yesterday was a thing about revelations. All of the on-air cast had to reveal something about themselves, but which revelations belonged to which of the cast would not be revealed until next week. The revelations were:
- I cheated on my wife and she caught me...
- I once hid in a bathroom closet and pleasured myself when my family members went to the bathroom...
- In the last year, I got a girl pregnant and had to pay for her abortion...
- I think I'm addicted to porn - I jerk off twice a day and prefer to masturbate than have real sex...
- I have spent well over $10,000 on internet porn...
- My buddy and I once ordered massage girls to our hotel room, but they ripped us off and we were left staring at each other in our underwear...
- I have pleasured myself with meat and vegetables...
- I have a half-sister I've never met and don't want to...
- I've had cosmetic surgery...
- A guy once blew his load on my chest...
- I once had my stomach pumped for alcohol poisoning and when I woke up in the hospital, an acquaintance of the same sex was fondling my genitals...
I should point out at this point that most of the on-air cast are either married or in very serious relationships. Can you believe that? I can't imagine what it must be like to be one of the spouses of an on-air cast member right now. That's insane.
Just for humor's sake, here are my guesses as to who those revelations match up to:
- Scott Salem
- Gary Dell'Abate
- Jason Kaplan
- J.D. Harmeyer
- Sal the Stockbroker
- Howard Stern
- Benjy Bronk
- Fred Norris
- Artie Lange
- Richard Christy
- Robin Quivers
I guess we'll find out just how wrong I was in a few days.
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